The Bottom Line on Loneliness

Loneliness is a terrible thing. My father-in-law missed my mother-in-law from the day she died until the day he did. He was never without people in the assisted-living residences where he lived; the staff was wonderful and we visited him often, but he was terribly lonely. He lived to 94 and it was a good life, but the last three were unarguably his worst—even getting shot at in World War II was better. One of the reasons I shed no tears when he died was because I knew he was finally where he wanted to be: with his Ruthie.

For those of us still alive and in no hurry to leave this world soon, loneliness, social isolation, and living alone are things we may have to confront. The longer we live, as Dad did, the greater the possibility we might have to face these issues. But how great is the risk? Let’s take a look.

The Studies

The critical thing to understand is that meta-analyses can tell us something about a large group of people, but they can’t tell us anything about ourselves. While the total number of subjects is impressive, there are no hard comparable numbers to examine. Not reported was how they assessed loneliness and social isolation in each of the 70 studies. This was a presentation, not a paper. When it becomes a peer-reviewed paper, that may help us examine details, but for now we just don’t know.

One thing they didn’t assess due to the nature of the study was the risk for people who were lonely, isolated, and obese. If the logic holds true, they should be at the highest risk.

These studies raise questions. One of the commentaries suggested that this study hadn’t considered the effect of mobile devices. Does it make people feel part of a social group to be interacting on Facebook and Twitter, as well as texting? Or does that make them feel more alone?

The Bottom Line

While the science is not the strongest, it raises some significant issues. What will happen to your social fabric as you age? Most people prepare for financial wellness, but how about social wellness? Where are you going to be and who might be with you? Should you move to your retirement destination or into assisted living earlier so you’ll have more energy to make friends before your health deteriorates? Is staying in your home the best option? My mother-in-law was much happier after moving into a nursing home because she finally had a big group of friends and lots of activities—and of course Dad visited almost every day.

And this is an issue for younger people as well. If you feel lonely and isolated, it’s time to reach out; reconnect with family and friends and find new activities that will help you meet new people.

Just as you eat well and exercise for your body, it may be time to prepare your mind for your social situation as you get older. It’s also an important issue to explore with your parents. I’ll keep doing my part to get and keep you healthy, and I’ll continue to be in touch three times a week.

What are you prepared to do today?